Sample Letter – Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence Divorces

Domestic Violence Divorces make up 15 – 20% of divorces that often become DV by proxy– the continuation of abuse through the courts.  These marriages included physical, emotional, sexual, economic/financial abuse of power and continue for years through the secondary abuse by proxy of a system of legal and financial abuse.  This miscarriage of Justice through ‘family courts’ has been documented for 40 years, often resulting in the abuser gaining full custody of the children.

Dear friends,

When I lost custody of my little girl after she told her teacher that her father was hurting her. I was devastated.  I am a kindergarten teacher and have been working to protect children all my life.  I am a mandated reporter.  No evidence mattered in this family law case only the perverse legal strategies would prevail, violating my civil rights and the right to protect my child.  As a Whistleblower filing a report in ‘good faith’, I was not protected from what came next.  My ex-husband threatened the school and I was fired from my job. The other teachers who reported were also threatened.  This event woke me up to the failures in a system to protect our rights from retaliation.  

These personal events shed a light on how it is possible that so few children are protected from further abuse.  The Department of Justice says that only 10% of children who report are protected from repeated abuse.  

I love my child and wanted to give her a nurtured childhood, free from abuse. I didn’t know that standing up for my rights would cost us everything.  The most abusive thing you can do to a child is: remove her from her caring mother.  Judicial orders that force estrangement and break the mother-child bond causes trauma to the mother and child is unimaginable and has catastrophic repercussions affecting the child’s health, emotions and education.  Such Trauma lasts a lifetime.

I am writing to you, to ask for your help.  I joined a group from across the country.  Women; whose civil rights have been violated, and their right to protect their children.  Mothers who did nothing wrong.  They are targeted by abusive men rewarded by a corrupt system.  Women who are suffering the loss of their children.  We are Mothers of lost Children.  We fight for Children’ rights and the rights of Mother’s.  We fight for their physical, emotional and sexual safety of children in Custody Matters. We are Demanding the United States Government Protect our Children and Women’s Rights.

Over the past couple of years, I have met thousands of women from across the country who have experienced the same event.  I learned that 5% of family law cases go side ways like ours.  

The first warning for mothers who suspect abuse or who’s children are disclosing first read this Warning- Don’t call CPS.  

They call contested cases- High Conflict Cases – which is like victim blaming, yes I am conflicted over you stealing my child! When in actuality these are Domestic Violence Divorces and child abuse being ‘handled’ in civil courts instead of criminal courts. As a result of a lack of services for women who seek protection from the courts mothers lose custody 85% of the time to the batterer or molester according to a study by the Judges Association.  What is staggering is we can almost guarantee the outcome…..when mothers report abuse they lose custody.

A Greater numbers of women are in court without representation in these cases. The Safe Primary Attached Mother is losing custody in a ‘for profit’ legal system.  The courts are failing to protect Civil Rights, violating Due Process and jeopardizing the safety of children.  Women are being prevented from protecting their children and often lose custody while seeking refuge.  

“Greatest threat to women is when they leave, and the greatest damage you can cause a mother is taking her children”  

More women are now staying in abusive relationships to maintain contact with their children.  The State Courts are failing to protect women and children from further abuse. Through Civil court proceeding, bullies are being rewarded.  Such unscrupulous lawyers fan the fire of ‘dangerous’ and resentful men, knowing that by taking a child from a protective parent it will ensure returns to court.  With increased billable hours these immoral law professionals use the children as bank.

Additionally, as a result of Gender bias federal programs, these court crimes are actually being funded by tax payers and is fueling a war on women and children. As we become more aware of all forms of Domestic Violence we must provide better services to single mothers to protect their civil rights, and provide for their children. Where is my

I learned through training’s that the greatest danger to our children comes from inside the home, it’s not:stranger-danger. 1 in 3 Adult Americans reports child abuse before the age of 18. Sadly, these numbers are not exaggerated.  It is the most under-reported crime.  These statistics come from adult survivors because it’s rare when a child reports or is believed.    The State Courts are corrupt, manipulated and bought.  We have corrupt judges, lawyers, gender bias, junk science and our representatives unwilling or unable to do the right thing, and the Judiciary Council fails to hold these criminals accountable. There is virtually no oversight on this criminal enterprise.

Since reporting over the last 20 years 1 million children are living with their abusers. Yes, the numbers are shocking, but true, and inconceivable that our tax dollars are used to reunite these abusive men with their victims.

That’s why I march.  I march in Washington to bring this message to the President and our Governmental Representatives to protect our children. While in Washington we have held Congressional Briefings and have testified at the Victims Rights Caucus’ and on the Defending Childhood task force.  After returning from Washington I see that we are making a difference.  The Sandusky case was a teacher, coach, and father who molested. There have been several other stories reporting Sexual Abuse and incest cases in the News Have you seen  This is a big step for this country, a culture change. We can see that when the Mothers come to Washington, they do listen. 

A victims first scream is for help Coral Theill

So I am asking you, to help me defray the costs.  When you know the ugly truth, you must do something.  In order to make an impression in Washington we must show up in numbers and that takes money.  This need for grassroots-lobbying comes as a result of this crisis and the brave mothers who have been devastated by this tragedy who have a lack of resources  We are raising money for airfare, travel expenses, and hotel accommodations.  Whatever amount you choose to offer will help us.

Attached I included a couple of pictures at the white house with friends I have met in this movement. One of my friends has a child the same age as my daughter.  She had returned home after active duty in the middle east when she learned that her ex-husband molested her son.  This mother was awarded the Air Medal of Honor in the Airforce.  When she went into a family court in Massachusetts to protect her child.  A family court judge gave full custody to the perpetrator.  He now collects child support and like so many of these abusers have gotten away with these violations of civil and human rights.   The very government that honored her service failed to protect her child.

No mother is immune to these violations of trust.  I have met mothers from all walks of life.  My friend Aleah Holland. a nurse turned Author, from New York, Kelly Rutherford, an actress, from California , good safe mothers, stay at home mothers, teachers, soccer moms all losing custody.

Long before my child’s disclosure, there were other issues that concerned me about her welfare.  Taking a child from a safe mother who has primary attachment is the single most damaging thing you can do to a child.  My exhusband has not provided the best care money could buy or have the qualities necessary to raise a young girl. He had an attorney who fanned the fire of an angry man who this attorney convinced he was entitled to take the child, punish the mother while relieving  himself of the financial obligation.  Once the court has allowed the hearsay testimony that renders you crazy or dangerous its an uphill battle.  

While “The crazy” get protections for their rights, even the criminals have rights in court and opportunity to see their children, a  Non-Offending Protective mother is sent to Anger Management, placed on supervised visitation or no contact orders because they believe their children or talk about the on going domestic violence that is adversely affecting the child.

Like Kelly Rutherford and Patrice Lenowitz from Children’s Justice Campaign say, Its no Joke this is really happening, and we are inviting you to educate yourself and  participate in a grassroots movement to end this madness.  “The public can’t protest what it doesn’t know. And because they don’t know what’s happening in the family courts across the nation, this is nothing short of a national scandal.” Small Justice: Little Justice in America’s Courts –Documentary Film by Garland Waller.

Losing custody and contact with my daughter has been the single most painful experience in my life. To not be able to care for her, see her daily, participate in school activities to watch her grow up and support her.  No other event can compare, this grief is ongoing for mothers unable to participate in the raising of their children.  When people hear that we have lost custody they step back in disbelief, most of the mothers lose their families and their friends too.  Now that I have experienced this injustice I can not understand why people question us. Mr. Merrill Lynch used his money and sphere of influence to steal my child.  Money, power and privelige.

Our government has been failing its citizens for a long time placing corporate greed over the needs of the family.  Domestic Violence victims are failed by a Court System that rewards the bully, takes their money and disregards the human cost of removing children from the care of their nurturing mothers. 

It is my dream that together we will bring these children home and prevent this tragedy from continuing.  We are part of a national coalition and network of advocates who work to prevent abuse.

What you can do-

There are several things small things that you can do to help. Writing letters to your representatives is still a very effective way to send this message. 

We are asking the Federal government to hold oversight hearings on the civil and human rights violations of our children.  Please sign this petition. We are asking for the protection of the physical, emotional and sexual safety of children being our highest priority in family law courts.  Stop the trafficking of our children and hold Judges accountable for their actions.  We want oversight on federal funds fueling these events. 

Some have asked if they can offer frequent flyer miles.  This can be done by gifting an amount to an individual or using gift cards.  I invite you to the web address or contact where you can make a donation and learn about our efforts to stop this abuse. You can donate by using our pay pal account or mothers recovery fund.

We believe that a safe childhood is endangered and want the Surgeon General to declare the effects of adverse childhood experiences, dangerous to the health and welfare of our citizens and our nation.  We want safety first.

Thank you for helping us be a voice for our kids,


An American Mother



Sign the petition-

Mr. President

Mothers of Lost Children

Mothers of Lost Children

Mothers of Lost Children

American Mother lost Custody

Mothers of Lost Children – Melissa Barnett