A National Scandal: American Mothers March to Defend Motherhood and Children’s Human Rights


Mothers of Lost Children march from the U.S. Capitol to the White House in Washington DC to protest children being taken from safe mothers and given to battering or sexually abusive fathers through family courts.  This governmental cover up is similar to Penn State and the Catholic Church cover-ups. Mothers will protest at the Department of Justice and Demand Equal Rights for Women and Protection in Courts across America for whistle blowers who have the right to Defend Childhood.  Mothers are bringing attention to child trafficking in the Courts, and  States Judges who fail to Protect.  Help us send a mother from each state to represent the rights of mothers and abused children.


Join Mothers of Lost Children in Supporting the Battered Mothers Custody Conference -BMCC 2015 Hands Across the Water!

The BMCC is an annual conference that addresses the pattern of serious legal injustices encountered by battered women who approach the family/divorce court system seeking protection for themselves and their children from an abusive spouse or partner.

May 15th, 16th, and 17th, 2015 in the New York City Metropolitan Area

Look who’s coming to present at the BMCC XI!

BARRY GOLDSTEIN
Author/Editor of four books on battering and custody
www.barrygoldstein.net


KELLY RUTHERFORD
Actress, Protective Mom
RIANE EISLER (by Skype)President, Center for Partnership Studies,
Author of The Chalice and the Blade & other best sellers
SAM VAKIN (by Skype)
Expert on Narcissism,
Author of “Malignant Self-Love”
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com



ALAN ROSENFELD
Expert Child Custody Attorney
http://www.alanrosenfeld.com/

TOBY KLEINMAN

Attorney, professor, speaker, DV shelter founder


MICHAEL LESHER
Journalist, Co-Author of
From Madness to Mutiny

GARLAND WALLER
Professor; Producer, Small Justiceand No Way Out But One
DR. AMY NEUSTEIN
Co-Author, From Madness to Mutiny, Protective Mother
www.amyneustein.com
WENDY MURPHY
Author, law professor, victims’ advocate and TV commentator

NANCY ERICKSON
Attorney, law professor, author


MARILEE MCLEAN
DV Advocate, Author,Prosecuted But Not Silenced


Is family court really a “kids for cash” business?

An estimated 58,000 children a year are court-ordered for custody or unsupervised visitation with reported abusers. That means in many cases, children are being ordered to live with their rapists. Child custody courts are generating approximately $50 billion dollars a year from the business of exploiting families in crisis and putting children in direct harm’s way. Adverse childhood experiences are the most basic cause of health risk behaviors, morbidity, disability, mortality, and health care costs. In fact, it costs taxpayers $500 billion dollars a year in health care related costs due to adverse childhood experiences. SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: FAMILY COURT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH- by Patrice Lenowitz, co-founder of Children’s Justice Campaign.  

-Its time to demand Justice – Join us in asking-

 


Past Years in DC -Mothers March on Washington DC to end Child trafficking through the courts

Every Moment Counts

melonda gary head shot

When Every Moment Counts Mothers of Lost Children do extraordinary things. With true acts of love and courage Mothers all over the world, while experiencing such trauma and terrorism of Domestic Violence Divorces, do everything in their power to connect with their children and provide safety. Such efforts are extraordinary while Courts work to separate them from their children and violate their rights.  Such devotion and dedication is found only in the hearts of the mother for her children.

 

Melonda Gary- Love Wins

It is with mixed emotions that I write my thoughts, my feelings, my perception of my own fate and my children’s own fate. I am struggling tonight with feelings of regret and sorrow. My own inadequacy for not believing in myself four years ago, while in the middle of my battle. It was at that time, God had opened a door and at that time, that I had the opportunity to save my children from more pain in life. Fear overcame my senses, as I could not see the reason I was in the battle.
It was then that I could have helped formulate their good character and thus their life. I am still learning to forgive myself for growing weary of the fight some 4 years ago. And although I am stronger than I ever thought possible, I am in a different place now. My children also in a different place in their life. I am realizing that time does not stand still. Each and every moment counts. I realize now more than ever that I must remain in the battle for my children’s sake. Their life course is reliant on a parent with good character and morals for their own healthy development of good character.

As I struggled to regain control of my thoughts and hold back the tears, I reached out to my bookshelf to find an old treasure. A book on establishing boundaries with our children. As I opened it to the first chapter, I immediately noted the first session focused on building character in kids.I was in shock, as this is exactly what I needed to continue my next chapter of our life. God heard my cry for help and there it was. All I had to do was ask. He delivered it just in time. And so I was compelled to share this great information with you this evening regarding building our children’s character.

Outlined were eight qualities they consider important to adult functioning. In each of these qualities, boundaries play an essential developmental role.

Eight Key Aspects of Character:

1) Loving- Loving people recognize that the world does not revolve around them. They are able to control their impulses, respect the boundaries of others and set boundaries for themselves so that they are responsible and their actions are loving.
2)Responsible- Being responsible means taking ownership of your life, being accountable for it -to God and to others. Responsible people take ownership of their feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, values, and loves- things our boundaries define and protect.
3) Free- (This was a big lesson for me tonight). People with healthy character are free people. in sharp contrast to today’s popular victim mentality, free people realize that they can act rather than remain passive in a situation, but they have choices and that they can take some control of their life. Children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives but are also free to live their lives any way they choose- as long as they take responsibility for their choices.
4) Initiating- A normal part of human behavior is to initiate things. Being created in the image of God is being created with the ability to begin something. Teaching a child to initiate is an important aspect of boundary training.
5) Respectful of Reality- In order for someone to create a life that works he or she must have a healthy respect for reality. By reality he mean experiencing the consequences of our actions in the real world. Mature adults know that, for the most part, if they do good, good things will happen; if they do nothing or do something bad, bad things will happen. This due respect for the positive in the negative sides of reality is often referred to as wisdom.
6) Oriented to Growth- Good parenting can help a child develop character that faces the obstacles of life with an orientation toward growth. This includes developing abilities and gaining knowledge as well as facing negative things about oneself that invite growth and change. Boundaries help children see what is expected of them and how they might grow to meet those expectations. Parent should require their children to do the changing instead of trying to get reality to change.
7) Oriented to Truth – Honesty begins with parents who model it, require it from their children, and provide them with a safe environment in which to be honest. Boundaries provide the safety of known consequences for failure. Children can handle the known logical consequences other mistakes much better than they can handle relational consequences like anger, guilt, shame, condemnation, or abandonment.
8) Oriented to Transcendence- the most important questions anyone can answer are “Who is God?” And “Is it me, or is it God ?” being grounded in God gives direction and meaning to human existence, allowing us to transcend life, problem, our own limitations and mistakes, and other people’s sins against us. People who have the ability to transcend themselves go beyond our own existence to the reality of others, of God, and of virtues they hold more important than themselves and their own immediate happiness.

To sum it up. A child’s character will determine much of the course his life takes. To develop a child of good character, we must be parents of good character.

And so I spent another evening with my children. I learning many more lessons and was forced to set boundaries. Many were violated. Some were simply ignored overall. Yes, I was and am still being undermined as a parent by the alienating parent. But, it still won’t stop me from believing in me or owning up to my mission of still being the best parent I know how to be. The courts can try to rob us of our children, but we can take back our children and our power, by reclaiming who we are and believing in ourselves. Children will test us and our resolve to our boundaries, even without an alienating spouse. Our job is to remain strong to withstand the test. Hard to do when we are given so little time with our children. But, a must if we want our children to become healthy, happy adults.

And so I was put to the test again and again. I struggled with my No’s. I caught slack from one child because I did not discipline the other right away. I’m still learning how to effectively have my children hear the word “No” and respond appropriately. I was simply doing the best I knew how to do with my own circumstances at the time.

And thus this leads me to my next thoughts that I will post on how we can overcome obstacles when setting boundaries with our children.

Just remember regardless of our obstacles, life has a way of rewarding us for our efforts. I was rewarded once again, to be a small part of my children’s life for just a few hours.

Every moment counts.

Love & Light, my friends.

-Information on establishing boundaries was taken from book entitled, Boundaries with Kids written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr.John Townsend.

The Battered Mothers Custody Conference

Join Mothers of Lost Children in Supporting the Battered Mothers Custody Conference -BMCC 2015 Hands Across the Water!

Eileen King and Battered Mothers Conference

The BMCC is an annual conference that addresses the pattern of serious legal injustices encountered by battered women who approach the family/divorce court system seeking protection for themselves and their children from an abusive spouse or partner.

May 15th, 16th, and 17th, 2015 in the New York City Metropolitan Area

Look who’s coming to present at the BMCC XI!

BARRY GOLDSTEIN
Author/Editor of four books on battering and custody
www.barrygoldstein.net


KELLY RUTHERFORD
Actress, Protective MomChildren’s Justice Campaign
RIANE EISLER (by Skype)President, Center for Partnership Studies,
Author of The Chalice and the Blade & other best sellers
SAM VAKIN (by Skype)
Expert on Narcissism,
Author of “Malignant Self-Love”
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com


ALAN ROSENFELD
Expert Child Custody Attorney
http://www.alanrosenfeld.com/
 

TOBY KLEINMANAttorney, professor, speaker, DV shelter founder


MICHAEL LESHER
Journalist, Co-Author of
From Madness to Mutiny

GARLAND WALLER
Professor; Producer, Small Justiceand No Way Out But One
DR. AMY NEUSTEIN
Co-Author, From Madness to Mutiny, Protective Mother
www.amyneustein.com
WENDY MURPHY
Author, law professor, victims’ advocate and TV commentator
NANCY ERICKSON
Attorney, law professor, author

MARILEE MCLEAN
DV Advocate, Author,Prosecuted But Not Silenced

 

Crisis in the Family Courts; blame mother

Joan Zorza

Joan Zorza has dedicated her life to ending violence against women and children.  Joan has been a big supporter of the Battered Mothers Custody Conference and Mothers of Lost Children events.  Joan Zorza, Esq. is the founding editor of both Domestic Violence Report and Sexual Assault Report, and has been working to end violence against women and children for more than thirty years. A member of the bars of Massachusetts, New York and the District of Columbia, she has written extensively on child custody, domestic violence, stalking and sexual assault matters, and is the author of the three volume set of books, Violence Against Women Volumes (2002. 2004, and 2006), and Guide to Interstate Custody: A Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates (1992, 1995). She was awarded for her work on custody by the Department of Justice in 1998, by the City of New York Human Resources Administration for her work on behalf of victims of domestic violence in 2000, and by the Sunshine Lady Foundation for her work on violence against women in 2002. She is on the research advisory committee of the International Association of the Chiefs of Police, a member of the board of the American Bar Association’s Commission on Domestic Violence and represented or supervised lawyers and law students in cases on behalf of more than 2,000 battered women and almost 200 sexually abused children as an attorney at Greater Boston Legal Services and at the National Battered Women’s Law Project of the now defunct National Center on Women and Family Law. She no longer represents any clients, but remains involved with many organizations and through her writings and speaking to increase the safety of women and children.

 Tribute to Joan Zorza

Crisis In The Family Courts

Batterer Manipulation and Retaliation Denial and Complicity In the Family Courts

Reposted from:  abatteredmother on April 14, 2011

Batterer Manipulation and Retaliation Denial and Complicity In the Family Courts

by Joan Zorza, Esq

Family Courts Excuse Male Misbehavior, But Blame Women

Most family and divorce (hereinafter, “family”) court judges insist that people going through custody and divorce cases are good people, but that they often behave very badly because they are so stressed out by the pressures of the separation and court dispute. 1 The reality, as Massachusetts has found, is that nothing could be further from the truth for the men who abuse their female intimate partners and children (called either “abusers” or “batterers”).

Massachusetts, which has since 1978 allowed its criminal court judges to issue restraining orders against abusers, and which now requires all judges–even the family ones, to consult offender probation records whenever a petition for protection in an abuse case is filed, keeps very careful records which it periodically analyses.  It has found that almost 80% of the male abusers have criminal records,2  46% for violent offenses, and 39% have prior restraining orders entered against them and 15% for violating of those orders within the first 6 months.  The men with prior orders are almost equally divided between those who have repeatedly abused one victim and those who have abusing multiple victims.3 Massachusetts also was the first state in the county to create a statewide registry for orders of protection, and it also enters orders of protection onto the defendants’ probation records, so that judges automatically become aware of the defendants’ prior record, even his juvenile one or cases which were later continued without any finding.  This is not to say that all abusive men have records or are abnormal,4  or that no female partners of abusers ever have records.  However, abusive men, although they tend to be considerably older, better educated and are more likely to be white than other criminals, and hence to have been given far more breaks in the criminal justice system, are simply not the stressed out good guys as the family courts assume.  Men who abuse do so as a matter of choice, as a way to assert power and control over their female partners, punish them, to be sexually aroused, or less often because they enjoy causing pain.5

In contrast, although the family courts assign at least equal blame to the men’s victims, the victims are generally no different than other women, except for having been abused and suffering the effects of that abuse. Prior to being abused, battered women are no different from other women.6 It is the effects of the abuse makes them frightened and show other effects, often making them appear less credible as witnesses.7 Courts, police and prosecutors often refuse to help battered women and discourage them from pursuing cases, but then blame them for dropping their cases.  In fact, battered women are no more likely to drop cases than are other victims of violent crimes who are being threatened by their abusers.  What is different is that most violent criminals never reassault or even contact their victims, but the average battered woman is beaten up three times by her batterer during the pendency of a criminal domestic violence case.8 All victims threatened with further assault want to drop their cases; battered women are actually more willing than other threatened victims to pursue their cases.9

Batterers are believed in blaming victims.

Men who batter are not only adept at minimizing and denying their own abusive behaviors and their responsibility for it,  they are also adept at blaming circumstances or their victims, thereby shifting responsibility and projecting their own behavior onto their victims.10 Yet while alcohol,11 poverty, and other circumstances may aggravate a situation, they do not cause violence, as most people in such circumstances do not abuse.  Similarly, victims are not to blame for the violence. Unfortunately, abusive men have been very successful in convincing courts and juries that their own behavior is their female victims’ fault, or that their partners provoked them, or wanted the abuse, or that bad circumstances caused the abuse.

Mental health experts lack expertise in family violence.

Complicating the problem is that the courts often rely on mental health experts to evaluate the parties, yet overwhelmingly those experts have never received adequate training in domestic violence or child sexual abuse; indeed, their professional schools seldom teach the subjects and 40% of those working in mental health fields in the U.S. admit they have never received any training about intimate partner violence and even fewer received training about child sexual abuse.12 The content of what little training exists in schools in continuing education programs is often questionable or outright misleading, or so short (one hour is not that uncommon over the course of a career)13 that is clearly inadequate.  Guardians ad litem, who are supposed to represent the children’s best interests to the court, generally lack training in any aspects of family violence or even child development.14  Only 10% of custody evaluators know enough about incest to not be dangerous in these cases.15 Without the training and sensitivity to abuse issues, few therapists and custody evaluators even screen for it or follow up when told about it. 16 When they do follow up, batterers are adept at manipulating mental health professionals, appearing very together and, if he admits the abuse, contrite and regretful, justifying his abuse or making it appear part of a substance abuse or depression problem or caused by his partner.17 All this convinces the professional that the abuse was an aberration that will be controlled in the future, although this is most unlikely.18 Mental health evaluators and guardians ad litem, having been trained in a system that blames mothers for most problems that people have,19 are particularly vulnerable to being persuaded by fathers who deny their abuse and blame their partners, with the result being that they discredit the mother’s accusations and fears, and recommend that custody to go to fathers, even when the men are abusive.  The result is that domestic violence is seldom considered in the vast majority of  child custody determinations,20 particularly when there are allegations of physical or sexual abuse against a child.21 This is an amazing omission, given that at least 47 states and the District of Columbia require courts to consider domestic violence when making child custody determinations. (The three states which do not are Connecticut, Mississippi and Utah.)22

Judges, like mental health professionals, make the gender biased and inaccurate assumption that most domestic violence or child abuse accusations made in custody cases are falsely made for tactical gain, so take these cases far less seriously than they should.23 In fact, incest allegations are only made in 2-3% of custody cases, and mothers make few false accusations either of domestic violence24  or of child sexual abuse.25 Although no psychological test can definitively prove that someone has battered or sexually abused someone,26 many family courts require women to conclusively prove the abuse–a virtually impossible burden–or they refuse to believe that any abuse happened.

Furthermore, because most assessment tools used in custody evaluations were never developed to take into account the effects of domestic violence on victims, the tools distort the results to incorrectly show that most frightened victims are paranoid or have other psychiatric disorders, such as major depression, paranoid schizophrenia, dependent personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder,27diagnoses that will hurt her in any custody fight.28 Without experts able to refute the faulty diagnoses (and few battered women have the money to pay for such experts, even if any are available who are willing to criticize their colleagues), battered women and mothers of children who have been abused risk being assessed as incompetent mothers, and so lose custody.  Despite myths put out by fathers that mothers always win custody cases, fathers actually win custody in 70% of custody disputes,29 and this is true even though most men who abuse women and children are far more likely than other fathers to fight for custody and engage in prolonged litigation.30

Batterers Retaliate

Batterers do not only manipulate mental health professionals.  When batterers feel that their authority is being threatened, they escalate their violent and terroristic tactics, often threatening to kill or seriously injure their victims,31 their families, children or loved ones,32 and even themselves.33 After separation they often carry out these threats, hurting their partners 14 times as often after separation as when they were together.34 Most of these men also rape their female partners, and these rapes are more brutal than stranger rapes, and 10% of the rapes occur in from of the children.35 Batterers retaliate in many other ways as well, often being extremely imaginative and unpredictable.  They are notorious in fighting for custody,36 even though most of them never paid much attention to the children while then they were together with the children’s mother.37 Most batterers seek the children knowing that depriving the mother of custody is the best way to punish and hurt her.38 Batterers, who are notoriously poor at paying child support,39 also know that winning custody not only absolves them from having to pay child support, it may obligate the mothers to pay them child support, which they see as another way to hurt the women.

Batterers also retaliate by threatening their former partners and her children during visitation, or by shifting their abuse onto the children. It is quite common for batterers to begin abusing the child physically or sexually after the separation, or for such abuse to escalate, just as their violence tends to escalate after separation against their formerpartners.40 Many threaten to and actually abduct the children,41 and these abductions are as harmful to the children as when strangers kidnap them.42

Even when batterers have custody, they often refuse to make let the mothers to see their children.  The same courts that are outraged when a mother fails to make the children available to the father seldom punish a father who denies visitation to the mother.

Some of these problems exist because of gender bias of individual judges, but other problems exist because the legislature has enacted laws that favor men.  While most states (Washington State is the exception) encourage courts to consider in granting custody which parent will encourage a better relationship and frequent contact between the children and the other parent, courts consider only behaviors that mothers are more likely to do under this criteria, leaving out behaviors that men primarily do.  Thus failing to pay spousal or child support, or failing when one could do so to legitimate the other parent’s immigration status are not seen as hurtful.  Yet what could be more harmful to a relationship with the children than depriving the other parent of adequate support or even the right to remain in the U.S.  Indeed, changing custody because a parent has not paid child support is illegal in most states, yet custody is changed all the time when mothers do not give father access to their children.

Another way that some men retaliate is by having their parents join in the fight for custody or visitation (of course, some grandparents, often the ones from whom their son learned to be abusive in the first place, do this spontaneously).  Fortunately, this was made much harder by Troxel v. Granville43,  the recent U.S. Supreme Court decision which struck down Washington State’s grandparent visitation statute that permitted visitation against the wishes of the parents.  Both batterers and paternal grandparents and batterers also often file false or trumped up charges against their daughters-in-law or sons’ girlfriends to get them in trouble and discredit them, most often with child protection agencies, but also alleging welfare or immigration fraud or criminal activity, but also in court.44

Another reason that courts have not been quicker to catch on about men’s projecting their own behaviors onto their victims45 and vindictiveness against their former female partners is that while they speak very negatively about their former partners, they generally speak very positively about their current ones.46 This is typical of men, but few courts or mental health practitioners are aware of it, and are fooled into thinking the men must be  objective, and thus what they say about their former partners must be accurate.  Yet once the men break up with their current partners they will start publicly devaluing.

Some courts are wising up to men’s retaliatory tactics, because many involve abusing the courts. Many abusers learn that cross or counterclaims often cancel out their victims; prior claims, and that filing contempts shifts the focus to their victims.47 Most batterers know they can bring criminal and contempt charges at no expense to the abusers, but they take an enormous financial and emotional cost on their victims.  The result is that many abusive men drag on the litigation and file spurious claims openly acknowledging they are trying to drive their victims onto welfare or into homelessness; half of all homeless women and children in the U.S. are homeless because of domesticviolence.48 Occasionally it is only when the abuser accuses the judge or other court players of impropriety or attacks them or those helping their partners, such as shelter workers,49 that the court catches on to their tactics. Unfortunately, some judges (and other court players, including mental health experts) become too frightened 50 or vicariously traumatized 51 to act sufficiently to believe or act to protect battered women. However, most abusers are far too savvy to make such accusations, attacking only their former partners.

When courts blame victims and fail to hold abusers accountable, they reinforce abuser behavior, subvert justice, dis-empower the victims, teach children that abusive behavior is permissible and may even be rewarded, and reinforce the cycle of violence.

for resources- https://abatteredmother.wordpress.com/2011/04/14/batterer-manipulation-and-retaliation-denial-and-complicity-in-the-family-courts/

 

 

#BringKellysKidsHome

Childrens Justice Campaign

Actress Kelly Rutherford will be in Federal Court in New York on Wednesday March 18th. Kelly’s attorneys, Wendy Murphy and James Marsh, will discuss her children’s basic human rights as American Citizens to live freely in their own country. In this unprecedented case, Kelly’s young children were ordered by a California family court judge to be deported to a foreign country where neither parent has citizenship. Since immigration is a federal issue (state courts do not have jurisdiction on immigration matters), we are hopeful that our United States Federal Government will step in to protect the rights of two American children.

It is time to‪#‎BRINGKELLYSKIDSHOME‬! After all, children are people too!
@KellyRutherford @Children’s Justice Campaign Please share! And thank you all for your continued support : ) Kelly Rutherford says a few words about her upcoming hearing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW_le6oBAnk&feature=youtu.be

kelly rutherford and her children

 

A Special Place in Hell! Reserve their space

The darkest place in hell

Mothers are losing custody of their children to an abusive partner corrupt courts/CPS who are “legally kidnapping” and trafficking our children, they are not doing this alone.

In the lives of Mother’s who have lost custody there is a whole cast of characters who have either failed to act, looked the other way or enabled the Court Ordered Abuse of children and Rewarded the Bully.  For many it keeps us up at night.  The court professionals who are profiting off the trauma and feeding off the demise of you and your children, there is nothing short of disbarment, public flogging or stockades could suffice.

The Character assassinations and stalking from the ex and his ‘Gang’ were designed to destabilize and discredit you.  The “Ugly Stepmothers’ are opportunistic and helping to poison your children and discredit you in public and private spaces.  They too have a financial incentive to help the bully get custody and shut you out of your child’s life.  So often it starts with them being coerced, and in time its a matter of priorities and self loathing a training to hurt other women. So easily others family members and false friends are drawn in …we call them the flying monkeys…so eager to do their bidding.

I hope theres a special place in hell for ..

When we are in court we just imagine the women who have made it to the top, the Judges, the female lawyers and elected officials will recognize the need to adjust the sails, to address the injustice, the inequity and understand the subtle and not so subtle tactics in court intended to undermine the mother.  Making examples of Mothers who dare to report abuse while suppressing the witness statements of innocent children who will soon become property of the perpetrators is their duty. While it is true that courts recognize the unintended bias toward pro se litigants who are so often also women.  They do little to adjust their position to ensure that due process is served.  They do little to ensure safety.  So few court professionals have good training in DV and child-abuse and lack the first hand experience or empathy for other women or care or compassion for children.

These Characters in the farcical theatre called, ‘Family Court’, have shifted the Best Interest Standard to the Best Interest of the Father….Entitled men.  Helping to ensure patriarchal rule in the face of a feminist movement.  They are the same women who appose the ERA; who undermine equality, autonomy, equal pay and reproductive rights in this country.

Frankly, the money available and power and control these women crave is far too enticing to worry about things like morality or ethics.  ‘Women are harder on other women’, they are used as tools in the patriarchal system to keep other women in control.  Their loyalty is rewarded with higher pay and a sense of privilege that so few women have.  They get this power by crushing other women, they are taught to destroy the mothers without regard for the children.  They have no remorse or empathy.  We call them gatekeepers.  In the slave trade there were managers receiving more food or better quarters, in modern human trafficking their called the Bottom girl – A female appointed by the trafficker/pimp to supervise the others and report rule violations. Operating as his “right hand,” the Bottom may help instruct victims, collect money, book hotel rooms, post ads, or inflict punishments on other girls.  These women are giving them exactly what they want, ‘blame the mother’.Madeleine Albright a special place in hell

For these women we are going to hold a special place for them on our wall, in their honor.  We welcome you to send us your list of women who’s place in hell should be reserved –  Give us the State, and County Court House, the Judges Name, GAL, Minors Council, Therapist…. you can send their picture.

Lying traitor

Wouldn’t it be nice to see the Name of the Judge who damned you to hell going up in flames

there is a special place in hell for women

 

Maybe it deserves a special ritual of your own making, to recognize what they have done to you.  Send us their names.  Write them down,  and toss them in the fire.  They have taken so much from you and they really don’t deserve another minute of your time.  But  we want to document the crimes and warn other mothers.  We want to recall Judges and file Rico charges across the country and work towards disbarment. Nothing short of totally dismantling of the system will do and we will do it together.

Don’t forget send us your list, were not kidding (well it will be fun) its going on the Wall!

see “A Special Place in Hell!”

 

 

 

Love wins : A protective Moms wisdom and perseverance

a mothers love has no boundries

Wisdom and perspective: A Protective Mothers Journey

“Well…I can honestly say that I’m one week closer to my kids finally coming home…

No! I do not mean this in the literal sense, as the American Family Courtroom seems to have a legal license to steal your kids. And if that is not punishment enough continue to subject you to cruel and unusual punishment for merely wanting to be a part of your own children’s live’s. Meanwhile, if you are fortunate, you may be able to escape if you pay your CS on time. Have myriads of extra cash to pay attorneys to ensure your freedom and your rights. But, there seems to be a catch. It never seems to end. And if that isn’t enough, your children end up damaged and you end up having to pay enormous psychological costs to ensure that you may be able to save your kids more anguish and pain along the way. And let’s not forget you. You will have to pick up all of your broken pieces and mold them back together again to make sense of your broken state. Then just maybe, you may get to be a small part of their life.

This is the life of a loving protective parent. A parent that would do anything in their power to stop all of this nonsense in the blink of an eye. Only, there are too many obstacles standing in the way. Justice can not be obtained at any cost. And to be frank, the cost seems to spiral with each battle. Emotionally, physically, financially and even tests your spirituality. One can only be left to wander why they ever believed in justice in the first place.

My friends, this is my world. I am not alone. I know many of you have preceded my journey. Some with happy endings after all, despite the pain and relentless, sleepless nights without your kids. I still hold on to hope and faith that the good we have done and still hope to achieve will out rule the evil doers. That despite our suffering, we have come together unified and stronger than ever. That in time all of our children will see the light and the truth will be unveiled.

Tonight, I felt I was one step closer to that day. And even though I have so greatly despaired along the way, I have learned that laughter and just enjoying and living in the moment is one more reason to carry on.

So we laughed so hard we almost cried. She said, I get my confidence from you, mom. And he said, I love you not once, not twice, but three times. And so I believe I am winning even when the stakes seem to be so low. I know that winning isn’t everything. Because, you have to lose once or twice, to know how good it feels to win. And sometimes, we are blinded into thinking winning is just one way. But, no two journey’s are the same. And winning is all in the eye of the beholder. And in my eyes, I have already won. Because love conquers it all. And this my friends is what it is all about.” 

Melonda Gary,

United States of America


This kind of wisdom and hard-earned perspective is like a nugget to be shared.  Our path as protective mothers is like a windy river, it will take many turns and there is no real road-map, it’s a white knuckle ride and a testament to how big a mother’s heart is.

Thank you mothers for sharing the ups and the downs, the sleepless nights, and the heartache. If we set our goal on the prize, being with our children, helping them to survive and thrive from this trauma, as good mothers do, then we have won. Winning the battles is such a small part, we want to win the war on women and children. Your victory big and small is Our victory too, and we are so grateful to your  voices and strength of character persevering through this darkness. Your children are so lucky to have you as their mother, as you are so fortunate to have the opportunity to encourage their resilience. Go Mama! Remember…Love Wins!

Mothers of Lost Children Melonda Gary and Linda Marie Sachs

Mothers of Lost Children Melonda Gary and Linda Marie Sachs see ‘Why I March’ by Linda Marie Sachs

“No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear…the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away. (5)”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

I am proud to know and work with true warriors, facing the fear, sitting with it, trying to understand it and from that pain, suffering and resolve – working towards peace for ourselves and our children’s sake. This courage is like the fireman who runs into the burning building. Women caught in this injustice: a struggle few have heard of or understand, their children held hostage.  These women are true warriors fighting a battle that they know from the onset they may not win but must persevere for the sake of humanity itself. Nothing worth fighting for has ever been easy. Don’t give up, love wins. Leave breadcrumbs so they know you love them this much. A nurtured childhood is worth fighting for.

Melonda Gary says, “That every moment shared with our children is worth more than fine treasure. This is a glimpse of my story in Family Court to encourage you to believe in today and never loose faith in what tomorrow may bring.”

a Mothers heart

Mothers Erased: an Adult Child’s Memoir

I am worth fighting for

Reposting -A Message from Your Estranged Child

I am three years old.  You are no longer in our home and my world is shattered. I saw Daddy’s anger toward you and I will be careful not to make him angry at me too.

I am four years old and my visits with you are dwindling. Please do not give up your rights. Take what action you can, whatever action is right and necessary. Find those who can help you. Find those who will hold you up, because my world depends upon you not giving up. Do not believe Daddy when he says I am better off without you. I need you to know that is a lie.

I am five years old and you dare to show up on my birthday, to deliver a gift. I want you to know that I am so glad you are there, but I am afraid to say so. I see how agitated Daddy is by your presence. I want to tell you, beg you, to please keep coming back. But I cannot say what I need you to know.

My sister is angry at you and tells you not to come back. She says we have a new mother and we don’t need you anymore.   She doesn’t mean it. She will regret that moment in years to come. I will regret that you believed her.

I am eight years old. You have been erased from my life. My sister and I whisper about you in our bedroom at night, in the dark. We don’t dare speak your name, so we call you You-Know-Who. We remember you. Signs of you, a hidden photograph, a memory, they let us know you are real. They ignite something in me, too wounded to dwell in, but at the same time a place of truth and power that I will get to someday.

I am ten years old. If you somehow managed to contact me now, I would probably not respond. It would terrify me to respond.  But without a doubt, I would remember your efforts. I would know that you wanted me. I would know that you tried. This would make me want to find you again when I was ready.

I am fifteen. I don’t know who I am. I have been taught to deny the part of me that came from you. I am trying to fill the void where you were supposed to be. I think I can do this with boys, with teenage affairs, with affection from whoever will offer it to me. The void is deep and will need to be healed with truth, with love, with understanding. I don’t know this yet though, so I just keep trying to fill it with things that aren’t good for me.

I am sixteen. My sister and I sneak away to visit you. Of course we don’t tell our father. I am numb and my sister is still angry at you, questioning you. Where were you? Why did you have that affair that made our father throw you out? How dare you? Why didn’t you come looking for us later?

I am numb, mute, perhaps in shock at seeing you again. You cry and say you love us, have always loved us. I don’t fully take in your words. I am confused. If this is true, where have you been? I’m not sure if I can handle knowing how forcefully our father pushed you away. You don’t tell me this, not directly, and maybe that is good. Perhaps I am not prepared to face this yet and you instinctively know this. I need to hear you say that you want to stay in touch. My wounded teenage heart needs to be reminded of what I knew as a baby, as a toddler, as a three year old: that you love me. You’ve had obstacles, huge obstacles in the way, but I need to know that indifference was not one of them.

I am eighteen. I am free to contact you or visit you, but I am still very much afraid of displeasing my father. I need you to be strong and healthy and to remind me, somehow, that you are waiting. I have wandered so far from that place in my heart that holds us together. It will take patience and persistence on your part. I need to see that you love yourself, so that I can allow myself to love you too.

I am twenty-two. I will want to hear your story. I need to hear your story. And I will believe you. I am not sure what to do with this yet, how to let you into my life. I will have to figure this out. I am angry that you weren’t able to stand up to my father and therefore I was robbed of a mother. I am angry, so angry at my father but still afraid to tell him so, to face him with my truth. This will take time and clumsy attempts, but I will figure it out.

I am every age. I am four and twelve and fourteen and twenty-nine. I am every age in between. Pray for me and for our reconnection. If you don’t believe in prayer, then believe in the power of your own mind and heart. Know the power of your thoughts. Know that you can reach me and hold me in your mind’s eye. Find a way to rise above the negativity and the pain and let love sustain you. Believe that there is some purpose to this mess and that we will both be okay.

I will find my way back to you. It may be when I remember I am your daughter or it may be when I find that bigger part of me, the authentic self who is neither my father’s daughter nor my mother’s daughter, nor a victim; the Self that is whole and empowered and was never lost, never abandoned, never hurt. This could be a long, slow process, or it could happen in a moment, in a word I hear, in a prayer I feel, coming from you.

*I invite you to follow my blog for the complete story which begins here :

https://thefourthagreement.wordpress.com/2014/12/02/now-reaching-out-one-last-time/

https://thefourthagreement.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/a-message-from-your-estranged-child/comment-page-1/#comment-207

http://mothersoflostchildren.org/2015/01/when-a-mother-disappears-the-words-from-a-stolen-child/


 

 http://www.themotherlesschildproject.com/

Bella turns 5! Praying that she and her sisters will be returned before another Birthday.

Wishing you a Happy Birthday for Bella! Sending you love and hugs to our friend Jennifer, praying for the day that Bella comes home…Bella you are so loved, by friends and family, near and far, who will never stop until you are home safe, in the arms of your mother.

“Today was my daughter Bella’s 5th birthday. I love you and miss you baby girl. Everyday I pray you are safe and home soon.”  (Mama Jennifer)

Jennifer Otero's photo.Jennifer Otero's photo.Jennifer Otero's photo.

“Happy birthday Bella, I can’t believe another year has gone by without seeing you! I pray your day is amazing and we get to see you soon! Happy 5th birthday baby girl!”

“When we cleaned out Jennifer’s apartment in Canada I ran out of clothes for V so I borrowed Bella’s tutu. We thought Jennifer’s girls would be back in no time, little did we know years later another girl would be added to the family and ready to wear Bella’s tutu and she still hasn’t come home with her sisters”  Auntie

“Happy birthday Bella. We all love you and miss you. We can’t imagine how horrible it is for an innocent child to be ripped from the arms of their mother and forced to live with a cruel abuser. We pray for you and your sisters every day. We’ll never give up fighting for you girls.”  Help the Greens on facebook

During this Domestic Violence Divorce Jennifer went to the courts and domestic violence services for help.  This nightmare began in San Diego County under the supervision of Deanne Salcido who failed to protect Jennifer and her girls, she turned to Solano County that provided the support and protection she needed until 2012, when Judge Daniel Healy failed to follow the law and provided access to the father despite substantiated physical and sexual assault.

Jennifer’s children were removed from her and placed with the perpetrator and now Jennifer visits with her children in a monitored/supervised visitation center, we call the “kiddie jail” as so many other mother of lost children have faced after reporting abuse.   Jennifer tried to protect her children and has since become an advocate for court reform and  children’s rights.  Please, read Jennifer’s story and help her to ‘Visit Her Children”.

Displaying ResizedImage_1373181919902_resized.jpgDisplaying IMG_2296329286026_resized.jpgDisplaying IMG_20120402_140653_resized.jpg

“Yesterday was my youngest daughters birthday. She turned five. I miss my babies so much.
I’m running out of $ for my visits. I’ve asked to combine two visits in one weekend so I can pay 1/2 the travel. So far I haven’t gotten a response.
Love you girls!”  Mama Jennifer

http://www.gofundme.com/1yw9bk

My girls were illegally given to a known and documented child molester.   Please help me fight to bring them home.

Solano County Judge Gave Full Custody of 3 Little Girls to A Father Who Has A Documented and Substantiated History of Sexual And Physical Abuse Against the Children, Domestic Violence, As Well As An Untreated Methamphetamine Addiction

I no longer have an attorney.  All funds raised are going to paying for the cost of self-representation and my visits with my girls.  To follow this case and see what fundraising efforts you can help with, please go towww.facebook.com/HelpTheGreens or @HelptheGreens on twitter.

All children deserve to be safe.  Please help bring my girl’s home.

Please pray for my children to be safe and home soon.

Thank you,

Jennifer Green

Jennifer Otero's photo.

In 2009, I left my ex due to physical violence perpetrated against my children (two daughters ages 5 and 3, I was pregnant with my third) and myself. I had a restraining order against him until 10/2010. In 10/2010 my ex molested our middle daughter (4 at the time). Thereafter, my ex was only allowed supervised visitation with our daughters. In 9/2011, my ex stopped exercising his right to visit the children and he pled guilty to methamphetamine possession.

In 12/2010, Solano County Social Services substantiated the sexual abuse and found that our daughters were truthful about the abuse and that I had been fully cooperative and proactive in ensuring the health and safety of my girls. The Concord Police Department’s report, spanning 10/2010- 5/2011, outlines the investigation of the sexual and physical abuse perpetrated by my ex against our daughters.

In 2012, we got a new family law judge. In 4/2012, despite the substantiated abuse, this judge ordered unsupervised visits between my ex and our daughters. In May 2012 my ex physically abused our oldest daughter (7 at the time) and left visible injuries and marks on her. My oldest daughter also reported that my ex sexually abused her younger sister (only 2 years old at the time). I reported this abuse, and in response the judge ordered that I hand over custody of our daughters to my ex for an entire summer of unsupervised visitation.

Out of fear for the safety of our daughters, I refused to hand them over and was arrested. For trying to protect our daughters, I am now dealing with the criminal court system and my three little girls are with a father who has repeatedly sexually and physically abused them and has an untreated methamphetamine addiction.

As this judge refuses to protect my innocent girls, I have hired a family law attorney who specializes in these types of cases. The attorney has advised me that this will be a lengthy and expensive process. My goal is for my children to be safe; no child should be subjected to physical or sexual abuse. I am fundraising for attorney’s fees. To follow this case and see what fundraising efforts you can help with, please search for “Help the Greens” on Twitter and Facebook.

 

Helping Children Become Achieving and Caring People with Conscious Parenting

Special program offered :  Nurtured Parentingconsiousparenting-book-cover


 

Trauma Institute

Parenting Strategies That Work: Helping Children to Become Achieving and Caring People by Ricky Greenwald, PsyD

picrick.jpgDr. Ricky Greenwald is a practicing clinical psychologist who has been working with children, teens, adults, and families since 1985. He is the Trauma Institute & Child Trauma Institute‘s founder, executive director, and chair of faculty.

Dr. Greenwald is an affiliate full professor at the SUNY University at Buffalo School of Social Work, and was previously assistant clinical professor and director of training for the child trauma program at Mount Sinai School of Medicine (NYC), Department of Psychiatry. Prior to that he served as senior psychologist with the Mokihana Project (Kauai, HI), a successful demonstration project providing child/family mental health services through the public school system. He is a fellow of the American Psychological Association, Division 56 (Trauma). Special interests include assessment, treatment, and training re trauma, loss, performance enhancement, and problem behaviors.

January 28, 2015 at 12:45 PM

Perhaps Freud said it best over a century ago: a healthy person is able to work and love. This is pretty much what parents want for their children (along with simply surviving childhood): to grow up to be able to work and achieve, and to be caring, decent people. Fortunately, by now there is quite a bit of research on how to help our kids get there. Here are some of the key strategies that work.

1. To promote achievement, praise the effort/behavior, not the talent/result.

The problem with praising a child for being smart or for achieving a good outcome is that doing so can actually decrease the child’s motivation (Mueller & Dweck, 1998). A child who is praised for achieving good outcomes due to intelligence or talent may come to rely on “the easy A” and fail to develop good work habits or resilience in the face of frustration. And persistence will take you farther in life than intelligence alone (Duckworth & Gross, 2014). It’s better to praise the child’s efforts, whether or not success was achieved in a given instance. So “Wow, you really hung in there!” is more effective than, “Great job!” This reinforces the effort and persistence that not only leads to easy achievements, but also to more difficult ones.

2. To promote ethical/caring behavior, praise the child’s (related) quality, not the behavior.

On the other hand, praising a positive/caring behavior is actually not the most effective way to reinforce the behavior. It’s more effective to suggest that the child is a certain type of person (associated with the behavior). This encourages the child to self-identify as that type of person, making the behavior more likely (e.g., Grusec & Redler, 1980). In other words, saying “Thank you for helping,” is not as effective as saying, “You’re such a good helper!”

It works the same way for discouraging negative behaviors. For example, “Don’t cheat” is not as effective as “Don’t be a cheater” (Bryan, Adams, & Monin, 2013). Again, playing to the child’s self-concept is more powerful than focusing directly on the behavior.

3. To discourage negative/harmful behaviors, inspire guilt, not shame.

The difference between guilt and shame is big and important (Tangney, 1995). A child who feels shame believes s/he is a bad person, and reacts by avoiding and shutting down. Shame is destructive. A child who feels guilt, on the other hand, believes s/he is a good person who has done wrong. Guilt also feels bad, but at least it has the potential to activate the child to try to do better.

Shame can be inspired by telling the child s/he is bad, by saying that the child “always” or “never” does [the behavior], by comparing the child unfavorably to some other “good” child, threatening, withdrawing love, or by yelling (Eisenberg, 2000). Guilt can be inspired by expressing disappointment in the child’s behavior, which implies an expectation of better; parents can also explain how the problem behavior affected others, and how the situation can be rectified (Eisenberg, 2000; Shaffer, 2008). So “You never pay attention!” is shame-inducing and destructive, whereas, “I was really counting on you to be more careful” is guilt-inducing and constructive.

4. Use rewards (if necessary) to create a new behavior, and praise to maintain it.

In general, it’s best to avoid the use of rewards for specific behaviors; the risk is that the child will only do the behaviors when the rewards are provided, and not otherwise (e.g., Warneken & Tomasello, 2008). Praise does not carry that risk, and is still reinforcing, so praise is the safer strategy.

It’s still okay to use incentives on occasion, particularly to help the child to try extra-hard for a brief period, to acquire a new skill or habit. For example, many parents will provide rewards during toilet training. However, using incentives well, and avoiding the pitfalls, can be tricky (Greenwald, 2005), so it’s safest to only use incentives on a short-term basis to help a child get “over the hump” to a new type of habit or behavior.

5. Set a good example.

While parental example alone is not sufficient to raise children who know how to work and to love, it is still essential. Remember, children are more likely to do what you do than what you say they should do (e.g., Bleakley, Jordan, & Hennessy, 2013; Rushton, 1975). This is one reason why yelling at a child to quiet down teaches the child to be noisy; and spanking a child as a punishment for aggression actually fosters aggression (another reason is that yelling or spanking induce shame). Similarly, the admonishment to be kind may not teach kindness, whereas the parent’s example of kindness will do so.

Helping Children to Become Achieving and Caring People – See more at: http://www.childtrauma.com/?cID=470#sthash.xw0fQPp3.cvfVUChM.dpuf


HOW WE CAN HELP YOUNG GIRLS STAY ASSERTIVE

WHEN SHE’S FOUR, SHE’S AUDACIOUS. WHEN SHE’S 14, SHE HAS TROUBLE SPEAKING UP FOR HERSELF. HERE’S HOW TO HELP YOUNG WOMEN KEEP THEIR VOICE.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3041179/strong-female-lead/how-we-can-help-young-girls-stay-assertive?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook


 

Special program to Benefit Nurtured Parents

Like you, we believe it is important to pay it forward.  This is why 30% of your course purchase price will benefit The Nurtured Parent a 501c3 organization offering a free weekly support group assisting adult survivors of domestic abuse facilitated by Patrice Lenowitz, a domestic abuse survivor, playwright, and DV change activist, Dr. Mary Mandis, Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist, and Shani Destro, domestic abuse survivor and DV advocate.

Through weekly group meetings, peer support, special events, workshops, and e-mail and web communities, The Nurtured Parent strives to empower our adult members up each step of the emotional health ladder. From victim to survivor, our members ultimately learn to set up healthy boundaries and become deliberate creators of  their own lives, appreciating their inner strength and limitless possibilities. You’ll see her hosting every class in this series as it was presented live to her support group women.

http://www.uofmoms.com/the-conscious-parent-webinar-series/

Victims of PAS Syndrome Fraud in Courts

“Miranda Grace was taken, November 28, 2011, from her Mother, and her home, and friends, schoolmates, neighbors, so abruptly she never even got to say goodbye. She never even finished wrapping the Christmas presents she worked so hard to purchase and had been keeping so secretive. They lay half-hidden near the foot of her bed along with strings of ribbon and scatterings of bows, and wrapping paper, along with a pair of school scissors, tape, and all manner of artsy supplies that she kept stockpiled in her newly decorated Jungle-Themed room. Miranda just simply left one morning and never came back.”

https://amississippimom.wordpress.com/2014/04/16/mirandas-mom-excerpt-meanwhile-miranda-continues-to-be-invisible-if-left-up-to-the-powers-that-be-she-would-remain-that-way/