Dad, father, Papa, Pops, to children a good dad and a bad dad have the same influence and they love them unconditionally. The relationship between a father and child is vital to their development. What is also true is that the abuse at the hands of the father can adversely effect a child developing into adulthood. The scars that a child takes into their adult years shapes the kind of woman, mother, wife, man, father and husband a child will become.
Father’s Day is hopefully a time when the culture says, ‘This is our moment to look at who our men and boys are.’
Paternal Child Abuse includes the battery of the child’s mother, and deprivation of attention by taking a child from a mother as an act of revenge, power and control through custody proceedings after domestic violence divorces.
When a child experiences a father abusing a mother it leaves lasting scars. Domestic Violence has adverse effects on the child. Child abuse and neglect cost our society, not only in terms of the trauma caused to the maltreated individuals, but also in economic terms. “A child’s exposure to certain traumas, including domestic violence, sexual abuse, or being separated from a primary attachment parent, results in children suffering more illnesses and injuries as children, later as adults, and are expected to have a shortened life span.”
The author explores the issue of Paternal Child Abuse and its many forms and impact on the development on the child-
Paternal Child Abuse can come in many forms:
Examples of Paternal Child Abuse:
Did your Father:
Discount your thoughts, opinions and contributions?
Perceive his wife/children as his personal property, to command as he wished?
Disrespect family members
Treat your mother as less than an equal partner?
Avoid participation in family /school functions?
Usually put work and his own interests ahead of those of the family?
Make promises, only to routinely disappoint?
Was he aggressive or abusive toward family members?
Need to be right / in control at all times?
Were you ever “disowned” by your father for disappointing him?
Shame you privately or in front of others?
Was he there for his family and friends when they needed him?
Embarrass you, humiliate you or ignore you?
Ever abuse you – psychologically, verbally, physically or sexually?
Blame his failures on others or make excuses for his bad behavior?
Patrick Stewart: the legacy of domestic violence
Myth — A father’s involvement is crucial for the well-being of a child.
Fact: “While it would be a seemingly obvious proposition to most of us, that fathers’ consistent and substantial involvement in child care would benefit the child, this appears to have not been well established. The relationship between paternal involvement and children’s well-being seems to be mediated by a number of other conditions that involve the father, the mother, and the child. In other words, increased paternal involvement does not automatically result in improved child outcomes. Nor is it clear whether the father’s involvement provides unique nurturance that can not be as readily provided by substitute caregivers.”
THE MEANING OF FATHERHOOD Koray Tanfer, Battelle Memorial Institute; Frank Mott, Ohio State University; Prepared for NICHD Workshop “Improving Data on Male Fertility and Family Formation” at the Urban Institute, Washington, D.C., January 16-17, 1997, http://aspe.os.dhhs.gov/fathers/cfsforum/apenc.htm
From the Presidential Task Force Report produced by the American Psychological Association, where it is cited fathers who batter frequently file for sole custody and often get it.
Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force On Violence And The Family
ISSUES AND DILEMMAS IN FAMILY VIOLENCE
Issue #5: WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE AFTER AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, SHOULDN’T FATHERS HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT AS MOTHERS TO BE GRANTED PHYSICAL CUSTODY OF AND VISITATION RIGHTS WITH THEIR CHILDREN?
Tensions exist between children’s need for contact with their father and their need to be protected from the physical, sexual and psychological abuse that is common in families where there has been other forms of violence such as woman abuse.
Although most people believe that fathers should have equal access to their children after the termination of a relationship between the parents, the equal-access option is based on the assumption that the fathers will act in their children’s best interests. However, that is a naive assumption in situations where family violence has occurred.
Fathers who batter their children’s mothers can be expected to use abusive power and control techniques to control the children, too. In many of these families, prior to separation, the men were not actively involved in the raising of their children. To gain control after the marital separation, the fathers fight for the right to be involved.
Often children who have been exposed to violence in the family are frightened to confront their father’s negative or abusive behavior, and mothers cannot protect them. Sometimes the father tries to alienate the child from the mother by using money and other enticements, negative comments, or restricted access to the telephone during visitation with him. Other times, fathers may threaten or actually kidnap the child to punish the mother for leaving, or to try to force her to return.
– See more at: http://americanmotherspoliticalparty.org/ampp-article-library-family-court-custody-abuse-dv/5-family-criminal-law-and-research-abuse-dv-child-custody/40-abusive-fathers-are-more-likely-to-seek-sole-custody-in-child-custody-battles#sthash.8infBooR.dpuf
To be a good father and mother requires that the parents defer many of their own needs and desires in favor of the needs of their children. As a consequence of this sacrifice, conscientious parents develop a nobility of character and learn to put into practice the selfless truths
Over the years the efforts of a very organized and well funded father rights campaign often referred to as Hate Groups, has managed to side track the truth around custody cases, claiming that fathers are treated unfairly. While there are many unfair stories and good fathers feel the injustice of the broken system fathers who file for full custody receive custody 70% of the time over the primary attached good mother. What has become a trend in American society today is a sense of gender neutrality that puts the welfare of children at risk.
Phyliss Chesler says, that Good Enough mothers are losing custody to dangerous men by courts that favor fathers. “Myths about the custody of children still abound. Most people still believe that the courts favor mothers over fathers, that fathers are discriminated against in the Family Courts because they are men- and that this is how it’s always been. Specifically, the myth that custody decisions invariably favour women needed to be challenged. It is contradicted by the history that I transcribed over the last quarter of a century (Chesler, 1986). In this paper, I compare and contrast my earlier work on custody (Chesler, 1986) with the history since then (Chesler, 2011) and consider whether anything has changed in regard to the significance of gender in custody determinations. I find that the central thesis of my previous work, namely that ‘good enough’ mothers are losing custody of their children on a massive scale, still holds. More ominously though, they are frequently losing custody to violent and abusive men.”
An estimated 58,000 children a year are court-ordered for custody or unsupervised visitation with reported abusers. That means in many cases, children are being ordered to live with their rapists. Child custody courts are generating approximately $50 billion dollars a year from the business of exploiting families in crisis and putting children in direct harm’s way. Adverse childhood experiences are the most basic cause of health risk behaviors, morbidity, disability, mortality, and health care costs. In fact, it costs taxpayers $500 billion dollars a year in health care related costs due to adverse childhood experiences. SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: FAMILY COURT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH- by Patrice Lenowitz, co-founder of Children’s Justice Campaign.
This increased danger to children over the last 40 years is due to funding for reunification to fathers @fatherhood.gov. These political campaigns endorsed through Government contracts, strong lobbying groups for father’s rights and 50 Billion dollars in male entitlement programs the loss of Maternal affection and the deprivation of Mother-Child Bond has increased. Such programs fails to recognize the need to protect children from danger and ensure the parental rights of Mothers. These incentives have made life for safe non-offending mothers and children very dangerous since there is no equal funding to support the mother trying to seek safety.
When Batterers are more likely to get custody than safe non-offending mothers there is something very wrong with the Judicial system and social service agencies. “Fathers who battered the mother are twice as likely to seek sole custody of their children as are non-violent fathers.”~American Psychological Association~ American Psychological Association. (1996). Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family , Washington, D.C.
Contested custody cases/Domestic Violence Divorces – make up 15% of all divorce cases in the U.S. – are often mishandled, with the worst cases resulting in harmful outcomes for children of divorce. Domestic Abuse effects everyone, and child sexual abuse effects 1 in 4 children in America these kind of statistics can not be overlooked as they have grown to pandemic size.
Today, many court professionals have been mistrained to be highly skeptical of reports of domestic violence and child abuse in divorce cases. As a result, children are being taken from safe parents and forced by courts to live in the homes where they report being beaten and raped.
Research shows that when batterers request custody, 7 times out of 10 they receive it*. Even more alarming, research shows that when children report sexual abuse in custody cases, more than 9 out of 10 of them are placed in the partial or full custody of their identified perpetrators**.
“Forcibly taking a mother’s children, and then controlling her emotionally by withholding contact must be publicly recognized as one of the greatest forms of ‘mis-use’ of the American justice system and one of the greatest hidden vehicles for wide-spread socially approved physical and emotional abuse and control.” Coral Anika Theill
The need for federal oversights and audits of these programs are crucial to implementing programs that are not discriminatory or gender bias. Programs that implement non-violent parenting and insure the safety of children in all custody matters must become a priority, as the nurtured child has become an endangered species in the US. Such improved programs that implements focused parenting, and community awareness of the prevalence of child abuse is essential to improving the State of our children lives in America.
There is a once held belief that if you want to improve the lives of children we must support mothers, after the report on Motherhood ranking the US just 31st in a list of the best and worst countries to be a mother in, down from 6 in 2006. Now, in 2015, we are even lower, having dropped to number 33. It is quite clear – Improving the Lives of Mothers in America should be a top priority. I want my motherhood.gov!
“The Children’s Justice Campaign reminds us of our sacred obligation as adults to raise ourselves into consciousness so that our children may thrive.” Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Clinical Psychologist and Award Winning Author, “The Conscious Parent”
“We need a campaign in the courts to develop and strengthen children’s human and constitutional rights so that our legal system consistently provides appropriate protection to those who cannot protect themselves.” Wendy Murphy
Former prosecutor, lawyer, professor, author, Director, Women’s and Children’s Advocacy Project Center for Law and Social Responsibility New England Law|Boston http://www.childrensjusticecampaign.org/
Today my father is protected by New York’s laws called statutes of limitations. The police can do nothing about it and I know he molested other girls too. This is typical of rapists. When they don’t get arrested they get emboldened.
Will you help me stop him from molesting more children?
Help me change New York’s laws to be like states like Delaware and Minnesota?
Click here – https://www.causes.com/childvictimsactny
Child Victims Act
http://cdv.org/ Children of Domestic Violence
Hero to the Haters – http://m.motherjones.com/politics/2015/01/warren-farrell-mens-rights-movement-feminism-misogyny-trolls
Prosecuted but Not Silenced Courtroom Reform for Sexually Abused Children by Maralee Mclean
A Mother’s Nightmare, Incest by John E.B.Myers
Scared Silent– Mildred Muhammad
the Hostage Child Michelle Etlin and
*American Judges Association, Domestic Violence and the Court House: Understanding the Problem…Knowing the Victim, 2012
**Neustein & Goetting, Judicial Responses to the Protective Parent’s Complaint of Child Sexual Abuse, 1999